My son confronted this person two years ago, and it didn’t go well.

The family member appeared truly shocked and denied all involvement. At first, he was open to discussion, but then became very angry and lashed out.

My son has cut off all contact with him.

This has caused me a lot of pain and confusion.

I find it very hard to reconcile this person’s behavior with the person I know, but I can clearly see that my son has been traumatized.

We have a small extended family and he’s an only child, so I truly wish there could be reconciliation.

Is it wrong of me to want him to forgive this family member and have some semblance of a relationship going forward?

How should my son go about it?

– Mother in the Middle

Dear Mother: You should not ask me how your son should forgive this family member who propositioned him. Forgiveness cannot be forced through the pressure of a third party.

Furthermore, this family member has not explained, acknowledged or apologized for this incident; in fact, he is aggressively denying it.

Sexual aggressors rarely own up to their behavior or acknowledge the devastating impact on others. This defiance and denial does not lay the groundwork toward forgiveness and reconciliation.

I think you should examine your own motives for basically wanting this to go away. You say your son is clearly traumatized. You seem to believe his account of what happened. And yet you also seem eager to use the concept of forgiveness in order to sweep this episode under the rug, mainly to ease your own discomfort.

Your son doesn’t seem to be asking you to cut all ties with this family member, but his trauma might be more manageable if he knows that his mother is in his corner, and not expecting him to do something that right now might seem impossible.

Take your son’s anguish seriously, and urge him to seek professional therapeutic help in order to process this disturbing episode.

Dear Amy: My father passed away several years ago, leaving his house to my sister and me.

Since she wanted to live in the house, we agreed that she would eventually buy out my half (she couldn’t afford to do this at the time).

It is eight years later, and she is still living in the house.

Whenever I bring up the subject, I get a “deer in the headlights” look and I feel she will cry, so I let it drop.

Now that my husband and I want to retire, I will need my half of this inheritance.

My father’s lawyer has passed away, and I don’t have a lawyer. If I do in fact have to take some type of legal action, I wouldn’t know where to start.

What should I do?

– Ready for the Next Chapter

Dear Ready: If your sister couldn’t afford to buy you out of this property eight years ago, have her circumstances changed significantly now? You should assume not, which is why she doesn’t want to discuss it.

Your first step should be to find a new attorney to advise you about the terms of this estate and your options, now. You must have competent legal advice.

Your own fears about upsetting your sister have kept both of you somewhat trapped. She likely lives with her own fear of displacement hanging over her head.

You simply must be brave enough to face this. Think of this as a problem you two will solve, together. If she becomes upset, stay calm, hang in there with her, and keep the door open.

I hope these parents do homeschool their child.

The last thing school teachers need is another parent who is afraid that the teachers are not smart enough or qualified enough to teach their child!

– Parent

Dear Parent: Homeschooling is demanding. It is teaching. These parents had a knee-jerk reaction to public education, without seeming to have done a shred of research – either about their local school or homeschooling.

I agree that these children definitely deserve better.

You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.

— Need Support

DEAR NEED SUPPORT: Stop looking to your family for the emotional support you need.

Since you are a pioneer in higher education in your family, they don’t have the tools to help you manage your academic workload and the pressure that comes with it. Establish relationships with peers and an academic counselor to help you with that.

Stop expecting your family to be what they are not. Relate to them as the loving people they are. Don’t get mad at them or reject them because your life is changing.

By finding a support system beyond your family, you will be able to appreciate them for who they are and not mistakenly expect more from them than they can offer. Be sure not to look down on them or speak to them disparagingly as your interests and experiences expand. Feel free to share stories with them of your life, but be mindful not to brag. Stay humble.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been having issues with my motivation lately.

I have low energy, and simple tasks take me way longer than they should. I get all my work done, but that typically is the full extent of what I do in a day.

Due to this lack of energy, I have not been cooking or going to the grocery store as much as I should. This results in not eating enough food in a day, snacking too much or eating unhealthy options that I can have delivered to my apartment. I do not feel satisfied with the unhealthy food I eat, but ordering salads and restaurant food is extremely expensive.

This leads to a cycle of not having enough energy to cook, but also not getting enough energy from the low-nutrient food I am eating.

Do you have any healthy, affordable snack or meal recommendations that require low effort to prepare?

— Food Energy

Yes, there are affordable, nutritious foods you can eat. Instead of ordering a salad, go get a few groceries or even have groceries delivered. All of the salad ingredients that cost so much from a restaurant take seconds to mix together yourself if you buy the individual ingredients at the grocery store.

According to Healthline.com, some affordable options are broccoli, russet potatoes, sweet potatoes, carrots, green cabbage, canned fish, chicken breast, bananas and frozen fruit. It may take a minute to shift your food choices. Knowing you can do it quickly and affordably should help. For a longer list of healthy food and snack options, go to healthline.com/nutrition/29-cheap-healthy-foods.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.

I live in a tiny studio apartment that did not come equipped with all the things one normally considers standard equipment. Because of a lack of work space and storage, I quickly adapted my lifestyle to do without certain built-in appliances that most people use several times per week. I’m content with how things are, and I can afford to buy anything I really feel is lacking.

The problem is that some very kind friends have given me a freestanding version of one of the “missing” appliances, and it is completely impractical for me to set up and use it.

I had mentioned that my place lacked certain standard equipment but had not complained of it being a problem.

I thanked my friends for their generosity, thoughtfulness and kindness. I spoke in general terms about the value of such an item in making a home more convenient, etc. But the item itself remains in its box, taking up already-minimal floor space and generating muttered imprecations when I have to shove it out of the way to get at things I need.

Another friend told me, “Just sell it.” But I can’t. I would not wound these dear, loving, generous-hearted friends for anything.

Yet I cannot think of any way of resolving the problem of a gift I cannot use, cannot easily store away, and cannot throw back in my friends’ faces by regifting, selling or donating it. I don’t know anyone who could use it.

Do you have any advice?

GENTLE READER: Your letter of thanks accomplished one other thing: It discharged your duty to demonstrate gratitude. Miss Manners does not say this to admonish you for continuing to feel gratitude, only to remind you that your obligation is limited.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When someone purchases a raffle ticket for a worthy cause and wins the grand prize (say, $10,000), is it proper or expected that they donate a portion of it back to the charity? And if so, what percentage, please?

GENTLE READER: Secular society is strangely fond of tithing, but: no.

The things one receives for donating to a cause — hats, mugs, tote bags and, Miss Manners will now add, raffle prize money — are given as thanks for your generous donations. And one does not give gifts for thank-yous sent to acknowledge gifts.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.

As the years went on, it became increasingly evident this wasn’t true, so I took a genetic test. The result came back with a 99% likelihood that I had a different father.

I soon made contact with the brother of the man I believed to be my birth father. He had personal knowledge of the affair and did a confirmational genetic test to show his genetic relationship to me.

My mother continues to insist on what is now certainly a lie, perhaps to save face with me and others, and to avoid perjury charges and support repayments that might follow.

I have not had contact with her for many years and changed my last name to my biological father’s. He was a loving father figure to me in secret and is now deceased.

My problem is, I cannot find closure for all of my mother’s countless lies and denials. She gaslighted me into feeling I was deranged while she cultivated a popular public face as a reporter and patron of the arts in our small town.

I want to be able to reconcile with my past so I can be a better father to my own kids and be able to trust my loved ones fully. I feel weak as a person, and I don’t want to pass that on to my kids. Please advise.

— TRUE SELF IN CANADA

DEAR TRUE SELF: You are not a “weak” man. You are an intelligent person who was fed a pack of lies for decades. Yet you managed to get to the truth in spite of that.

Your mother has lied because she is afraid she will lose standing in the community, and she is probably right about that.

It would benefit you to discuss your family history with a licensed mental health professional. If you do, it will help to sort all this out more quickly than if you try to work through it on your own.

DEAR ABBY: I am torn between my and my husband’s desire to move and my obligation to my family.

We decided to explore moving out of state because of the climate. Where we currently live is very dry and hot in the summer, and wildfires often cause smoky skies for weeks. We can hardly go outside in the summer.

My widowed mother lives close by and knows how much we struggle in the summer. She’s in her 60s and healthy; she doesn’t need to be taken care of yet.

I’m torn between moving somewhere I feel my quality of life would improve and staying close to my grandmother, whom I’ve never lived near before. How do I make this decision?

— MAKING A DECISION IN COLORADO

DEAR MAKING A DECISION: Decide rationally. If you opt to make the move — which would be understandable — discuss it with your mother.

Although her health is strong now, she and your grandmother may be open to the idea of relocating to your new city so you can all be together.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

My wife of almost 20 years left me before I was diagnosed.

After diagnosis, doctors were able to stop the blood loss. The anemia and its symptoms went away, and I returned to my normal self.

I was sure my wife would reconcile with our family after my diagnosis, but instead she said I was using the illness as an excuse for my behavior. She does not understand it was the cause.

She doesn’t understand these symptoms went away once the illness was successfully treated and believes I am permanently mentally ill.

She believes the illness brought out my true personality, when that is not true at all. What happened was a complete accident.

My wife and family are my whole life. We have a 4-year-old daughter who I am a great father to. I never would have gotten this medical condition on purpose.

My wife is throwing away our family and is trying to take me away from our daughter because I had a curable illness, which I no longer have.

How can I save my family from this tragedy?

– Heartbroken Husband

Dear Heartbroken: I understand that depression and anxiety are possible side effects of anemia, but you don’t note precisely what considerable changes in your behavior emerged during your illness. If this change in your behavior had a significant and direct impact on your wife and child, then it is important for you to acknowledge and own any specific episodes that might have been alarming or harmful to them.

This falls under the “sickness and health” portion of the marriage contract, and your wife obviously does not have the fortitude to stick it out.

You should find a couples therapist as soon as possible, in order to discuss this in a calm and controlled environment, with someone who could help you two to communicate your concerns.

Sadly, people leave marriages for all sorts of reasons – and sometimes for seemingly no reason at all, despite the life-altering disruption to the lives of children.

Once a spouse has decided to leave, there is not always a clear path toward saving a marriage, and if your marriage is ending, therapy (and the advice of a good attorney) could further help you to accept this, and to clarify your own choices moving forward.

Dear Amy: My husband and I have a friend in her early 70s whose husband is in his early 80s.

He has dementia and will need a care facility soon. He knows that.

She wants to stay in their home after he moves, but we believe this would be a mistake.

Should we share with her other options?

How should we proceed?

– Concerned

Dear Concerned: You don’t note why you think it would be a mistake for your friend to stay in her home after her husband moves. If she is healthy, a person in her early 70s likely can enjoy many years of independent living before making her own move.

In my opinion, staying in her home could be the very best thing for her to do – for now. If her husband moves, being in her home during the period of his decline could provide the sense of stability she needs.

If she asks for assistance or advice to review her housing options, you could be very helpful by researching local places and offering to tour them with her. Even if she decides not to move right away, being aware of her options will help her to make the decision later.

When I was hosting one Thanksgiving feast, my mother decided to have everyone around the table take a letter from T-H-A-N-K-S-G-I-V-I-N-G and say what they were thankful for.

My elderly father got the S and he could think of no word other than sex, so he said it. Mother was horrified and never made that suggestion again!

– Still Thankful

Dear Thankful: I may be feasting on your anecdote this year. Thank you!

You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.

— Looking for Strategies

DEAR LOOKING FOR STRATEGIES: Do a bit of reflection. When did the arguing begin? Try to pinpoint what precipitated it. Was there a change in either of your jobs, finances, friendships, health? What is different?

If you can identify the source of the change, you can talk about it. Establish a weekly meeting between you where you check in about what’s going on in your lives. This can include household duties, your calendar and your finances.

If you agree to meet at the same time each week, this can become routine and won’t feel as awkward when you need to discuss sensitive topics.

Address the obvious: You are experiencing conflict. Ask each other why it’s happening, and talk about what you can do to work through it. Actively work at being kind to each other instead of lashing out due to tension.

Choose to see goodness in your partner — especially when times are tough. This is much easier to say than do, but it helps a lot.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently married, and my wife’s teenage son does not seem to like me at all.

I believe it is because of the major changes my presence has brought into his life. His dad passed away a few years ago, and I know my arrival has disrupted the dynamics he had with his mom.

I’ve tried to connect and bond with him, attempting to show support and care, but it seems he’s resistant and distant. He often spends time alone in his room and is reluctant to engage in family activities. My heart aches to see the strained relationship between us.

How can I build a better relationship with my stepson despite his initial resistance to form a stronger family bond? I want to ensure that he feels supported and loved, but I’m not sure how to break through the barriers he’s set up.

— Establishing a Connection

DEAR ESTABLISHING A CONNECTION: Patience is going to be your friend. It may take a lot of time to build a meaningful rapport with your stepson.

Figure out what he likes to do for fun, and invite him to do some of those things with you. Keep asking even if he normally says no. Attempt to do things with him alone as well as with both him and your wife. Establish family routines that include the three of you that can create normalcy.

Tell him stories about your life, and gently ask him to share stories about his. Let him know that you want to be there for him when he needs a sounding board or guidance.

Don’t give up. Know that it may take years for you to build a healthy bond. If you are committed to your wife, remain committed to her son.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.

We assumed she would use the items. But the next time I went into her store, our gifts were on a shelf, available for sale.

Am I off-base to think this was an insult? It seems wrong to accept a gift and then be so obvious about getting rid of it. Or were we in the wrong for assuming a person would like handcrafted items?

GENTLE READER: Handmade gifts are more thoughtful than store-bought ones, but that is not the question you should be asking, as no well-intentioned gift would justify an insulting response.

Should you take offense? Miss Manners is inclined to think not — that the insult was accidental rather than intentional. But she would think twice before bestowing presents on this entrepreneur again.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I hosted an open house-style party. We offered a buffet with a variety of hors d’oeuvres, plus white and red wines.

Before the party, we set up numerous small tables around our living room to ensure that guests would have a place to set their plates and wineglasses.

On all these little tables, plus on the coffee table, I set out numerous coasters to protect the furniture finish. The coasters were generously sized, easy to use and, I thought, quite obvious.

Our guests were mostly from my husband’s chess club. Much as I enjoy my husband’s friends, not a single one of them made use of the coasters I had set out. They almost seemed to be trying to avoid using the coasters.

My husband also ignored (or avoided) the coaster near his own seat, so he wasn’t very helpful in setting an example.

All the guests seemed to be having a good time, which allowed me to sneak around putting wineglasses on coasters while the guests were distracted by conversation, wine and good food. Not ideal, plus this strategy required a lot of monitoring and repetition.

Next time, I will ask my husband to please try to set a better example for his friends, but assuming the disregard of coasters persists, is there any polite way to get our guests to use them?

GENTLE READER: The goal of a good hostess is to make guests feel welcome, which is hard to do while implicitly suggesting they are ruining your furniture.

But Miss Manners wonders if there is not a way to avoid the problem entirely, as you are in control of the furnishings (if not your husband). Would it not be possible to relocate the coffee table for the length of the party and cover the temporary tables?

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.

I’m uncomfortable because she is politically conservative, deeply religious and sometimes moody, which makes her difficult to be around.

I have kept my mouth shut since I have been here only a month, whereas she has been here more than 20 years.

I recently found out two other people had been hired for my role before I was, and both quit within six months.

Should I stay and wait it out or follow the possibility of happiness elsewhere?

— HOT AND BOTHERED IN INDIANA

DEAR HOT AND BOTHERED: Talk with your employer about the circumstances under which you were hired. You were told you would replace this woman and she’d be gone soon. Exercise a little patience for another month or so and, if she’s still there, ask your employer if something has changed because she’s telling you she’s not quitting.

You deserve a straight answer if circumstances have changed. If that’s the case and the job is no longer what you thought it was going to be, then “follow the possibility of happiness elsewhere” after you have found a new job.

DEAR ABBY: I have been with my live-in boyfriend for eight years. During the last five months, he has started staying out until daylight, choosing his friends over me, snapping at me when he talks at all and making it obvious he doesn’t want to be around me.

We have always gone everywhere together and shared our friendships with each other. There’s an age gap of 16 years, but it has never been a problem.

I left for a month last year when I caught him talking to another woman through messaging (not platonic talk). That month I did a lot of soul-searching and set boundaries I will no longer allow to be broken.

Because of past failed relationships, I have learned how to stand up and voice my opinion and care for myself emotionally.

I guess my question is, should I be concerned, keep trying to communicate my feelings to him or move on with my life?

I always put him ahead of anyone other than my children and God, but he doesn’t give me the same respect.

— LOST FOR ANSWERS IN ARKANSAS

DEAR LOST: Is your boyfriend the person who is 16 years younger? I ask because his behavior is certainly immature.

You stated that you have established boundaries that you will no longer allow to be broken. Good for you. It is time to reestablish them because the treatment you have been receiving is not only disrespectful, but also cruel.

You may have devoted years to the relationship, but from my perspective, you have invested enough.

Tell him you can see that he is not happy and ask him if he wants to break up. I have a strong feeling that the answer will be yes.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

She wanted to host it in her house, but her house is very small and she has four dogs who don’t behave.

We offered our (much larger) house and said that we would also help with the food and set-up.

Our daughter agreed on one condition – that she bring her dogs. She wants to dress them up and have them be a part of her wedding.

Her dogs are not well-behaved. They are not consistently housebroken. They bark a lot and jump on people.

These dogs have never been to our house. We have hardwood floors and new furniture. Who is going to be responsible for them?

My daughter said it’s non-negotiable, so she will have it at her place.

Her house is small. Parking and seating will be problems.

Also, my husband has lung disease, and so being in a small house with 26 people and all the dog hair and dander is unacceptable to us. My husband said he won’t be going, but hasn’t told her yet.

We said we’d pay for a reception hall, but that is also unacceptable to our daughter.

Are we wrong in not allowing the dogs at our house for the wedding?

Is she wrong for wanting the wedding at her house even though it’s small and wouldn’t be good for her father?

I’m heartbroken over this, and my daughter and I are not speaking.

Don’t get me wrong – we love dogs. But how would this be enjoyable for anyone?

– Dog Tired

Dear Dog Tired: You and your daughter are at an impasse, but if you can choose to calmly accept her choices – however harebrained you believe them to be – then it will release both of you.

Neither one of you is “wrong.”

The significant difference between you two is … it’s her wedding. She has named her dogs as her most beloved attendants. You’ve drawn the line about having the dogs in your house (smart move) and offered a number of options she deems unacceptable, and so her decision has been made.

If it would endanger your husband’s health to attend this wedding, then he should stay home. If you can bear spending a couple of hours in her home under these circumstances, you should try your best to attend, and see if you can FaceTime or set up a Zoom session for your husband to view the ceremony.

This whole thing sounds like your nightmare. (It is certainly mine.)

But it is her wedding, and if you consciously decide to stop judging and undermining her choices, you should spare yourself both the heartbreak and the tension. Everything after that is up to her.

Dear Amy: I know some people who occasionally come out with, “All I can do is be honest” when asked about something.

You already know that really means, “Brace yourself. Here comes a negative observation encased in a pejorative comment.”

When someone says that, I have taken to saying, “Oh. You’re one of those lucky ones. A whole bunch of us got sucked into believing it is more important to be polite and considerate of other people’s feelings.”

Do you think my response is rude and condescending?

It almost always embarrasses the other person who made the honesty comment.

Please be honest with me (pun intended).

– The Comeback Kid

Dear Kid: Yes, I do think your response is at the very least sarcastic, and definitely condescending.

Dear Amy: Thank you for your response to “Happy Drunk,” who drinks to excess every day and yet claims that his drinking does not harm anyone, including himself.

Wow – I had a parent like that! After a childhood of neglect, my siblings and I got to watch him die an excruciating and slow death from cirrhosis of the liver.

We weren’t so “happy.”

– Hurting

Dear Hurting: Several survivors of “happy drunks” have shared similar stories.

You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.

How can I manage my time effectively and keep my life in order when it’s so busy?

— Seeking Balance and Order

DEAR SEEKING BALANCE AND ORDER: Write out a to-do list every day. On it include work responsibilities, home chores and personal tasks. List each thing individually so that you can easily check off tasks when completed.

Be specific with what you have to do. For example, don’t write “clean up,” as that doesn’t direct your steps. Instead, write “wash the dishes,” “do the laundry,” “clean up the mud room,” etc.

Whatever has to be completed, list that, and don’t turn on the TV until you have checked everything off.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a 50-year-old American resident, and my parents, who are around 80, live in Ethiopia.

My two siblings and I have all been out of the country since our college days, and I am starting to realize how sad it is that I haven’t been able to see my parents face to face very much since I was 18. We are beginning to understand the significance of our physical absence and the impact it has had on our parents’ emotional and physical health.

We enjoy our regular phone calls and occasional video chats, but we recognize the limitations of these interactions in truly understanding their needs and providing the support and care they may require.

How can we provide them with the support, care and presence they need during this crucial stage of their lives and maintain a strong relationship to avoid regrets once they pass on?

— Disconnected

DEAR DISCONNECTED: Often in families with multiple children, one adult child takes on the responsibility of looking out for the elders, particularly parents. This is common worldwide. While you and your siblings are thousands of miles away from your parents, nobody has taken on that role.

Yes, this may require a dramatic lifestyle change, but it sounds like they need that support now.

You can also arrange for local people to become caregivers for them, but that is not the same as your personal engagement with your parents. Do your best to be present as much as possible.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.